Facebook Craze

Warning: Some of these facebook status ideas contain adult themes and language which may offend.

We were so poor in our house when I was young, that on Christmas morning, if you didn’t wake up with a hard-on, you had f*ck all to play with!

I wanted my step-daughter to play with the rabbit I bought her for Christmas, but her mother said that sex toys were not an appropriate gift for an eight-year-old.

I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas, Not cause I like snow or anything, I’m just a racist.

Christmas is shit. Whoever invented it should be nailed to a cross.

I always get my loved ones petrol-soaked fake moustaches for Christmas. It’s such a joy to watch their faces light up!

I’ve just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for Christmas. Although what he wants with an ex box I’ll never know.

Only six shopping days ’til Christmas! Or if you’re a bloke – only five and a half days ’til you start your Christmas shopping.

The first present I opened this Christmas was a pen knife. I was so excited, I used it to cut open all my other presents. Shame about the puppy.

I got a sweater for Christmas. I was hoping for a screamer or a moaner.

Paul McCartney bought his wife a new artificial leg this Christmas. It wasn’t her main present, it was just a stocking filler.

My girlfriend told me she was hoping for a white Christmas… So I spunked in her eyes

Wonders if that is snow outside or if Amy Winehouse just sneezed..

Christmas is the only birthday party where everybody gets presents except the guy whose birthday it is.

is buying my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying “toys not included”.

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

Where is that fat bastard?

Nothing like a dysfunctional family trying to function for the Holidays.

Just a reminder in these tough economic times that instead of spending five dollars on my Christmas card, you could just give me five dollars.

I’ve been bad a few times this year, but it was worth it…you judgmental fat bastard!

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a new job the next day

Please remember a doggy is not just for Christmas….It’s a great position all year round!

I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.

Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.

There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Christmas doesn’t come from the pockets, it comes from the heart.  It’s not about gifts, rather family and friends, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

is ready for it to be Christmas time…cold weather, pretty lights, the smell of firewood burning… and lots of presents!

Who ever said “it’s the thought that counts” was full of crap. No man has ever said “Honey, I got you a thought for Christmas” and lived to tell about it!

Christmas is a day of meaning and traditions, a special day spent in the warm circle of family and friends.

I heard the bells on Christmas Day; their old familiar carols play, and wild and sweet the word repeat of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts

wishes you a happy time on Christmas. Merry Christmas!

There are four stages in life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.

may not be the real Santa, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t seen you while you’re sleeping

can’t wait to watch her favourite Christmas movie, “The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t Due To Santa’s Urinary Tract Infection”

is eating his weight in figgy pudding

What happened when the snowman annoyed the snow-woman? She gave him the cold shoulder.

Why is Christmas just like another day at the office? You end up doing all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

Christmas is just plain weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree in your living room eating candy and snacks out of your socks

How do you know Santa has to be a man? No woman would wear the same outfit year after year.

What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet!

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him.

Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho.

What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? Its’ Christmas, Eve.

What did Tarzan sing at Christmas time? Jungle Bells

What’s red and white and red, red and white, and red and white? Santa Claus rolling down a hill!

Christmas is cancelled. I told Santa I’ve been good this year. He died laughing.

I’m not Santa. But you can still sit on my lap ;)

I’m the reason Santa even has a naughty list ;)