Facebook Craze

has woken up in a garbage can covered with his own vomit. Wait, why am I telling you this?

is masturbating to your sister’s profile photo.

has just compared you with everyone else. You’re lame.

is copying your profile picture so I can put it in my wallet and pretend its my girlfriend.

wrote on your wall. Now you’re gonna need to repaint your wall.

joined the group “kill all small furry and cute animals”. Remove me as friend?

changed his profile picture. Now I look a little less ugly.

added the “Are you interested in a stalker” application.

commented on my photo “you are amazing”.

is staring at his facebook waiting for messages to arrive.

is thinking of joining a club and beating you over the head with it.

has had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

never forgets a face, but in your case he’ll be glad to make an exception.

remembers the first time he had sex – he kept the receipt.

got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.

is too cool for school.

is the kid next door’s imaginary friend.

is definitely not watching oprah.

is selling my roomates shit on eBay.

is forcing my dog to learn how to google.

is teaching the cat how to be a ninja.

has just added a friend I don’t even know.

has noticed your mum has been calling me a lot, wondering whats that about?

has noticed that your looking a little fat lately, you should really do something about that.

has seen pictures of you naked on the internet.

was asleep until you just called me!
 
was just snorting salt… Don’t, it stings.

was just watching 2girls1cup and now is puking.

is searching youtube for the naked videos that somehow make it through.

is listening to the latest britney spears record…  I mean… definately not listening to britney spears.

Sorry, I don’t talk to morons before noon.

The Blackberry is just a crappy wanna-be iPhone.

just realised that everything I’ve written on Facebook will be available to my kids some day.

What happened to the good old days… like when Britney Spears would shave her head!

Who farted?

We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police

is a cross dresser. Deciding what to wear makes me angry.

is not happy with the new schell pecker.

is a secret agent…oh crap.

 is out clubbing this weekend. I’m going to beat my record of 12 baby seals.

tried to join a Tourette’s support group but they told me to piss off.

was thrown out of a casino for misunderstanding the use of a crap table.

can’t even walk naked in his own back garden due to a hosepipe ban.

and his wife have drifted apart since buying a water bed.

is farting in a cathedral

is juggling hamsters

is bowling naked

is hugging a midget

is arm wrestling an octopus

went from being “single” to “super single sad and lonely”.

is having a party in his pants.

has found love in facebook. She is from bangladesh and “wan day will reash amehica”.

has just made love with a sheep and hope it doesn’t reach facebook.

owns youtube, facebook, gmail, messenger and microsoft office. Now will you go out with me?

wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don’t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.

warns you this Halloween to beware of strangers bearing strange tools like chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, and band saws.

hopes that this Halloween, I don’t end up with a bag full of restraining orders again.

wonders if he’s getting old, or if others also ask for high fibre candy only on Halloween?

forgot to buy candy for the kids but will offer them a bite of my sandwich.