Funny New Year’s Resolutions For Status Updates

Here are some hilarious ideas for your status update which will make your friends laugh! These are all very funny new year’s resolutions which are stupid but very amusing. Post one as your facebook status!

For my new year’s resolution I will stop saying,” Ooh, that feels nice” whenever the security guys frisk me at airports

For my new year’s resolution I will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

For my new year’s resolution I will take up some worthwhile new habit, like smoking – it helps keep tobacco workers in jobs

For my new year’s resolution I will think of a password other than “password”

For my new year’s resolution I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing

For my new year’s resolution I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses

For my new year’s resolution I will only pay for sex if the price seems really, really reasonable

For my new year’s resolution I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store

For my new year’s resolution I will stop tagging pictures of myself in pictures even when I’m┬ánot in them

For my new year’s resolution I will do less laundry and use more deodorant

For my new year’s resolution I will stop using Facebook as the primary communication method with my wife & kids

For my new year’s resolution I will stop replying to funny jokes I hear by saying LOL

For my new year’s resolution I will work with neglected children. (my own)


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