Funny One Liner Witty & Clever Ideas For Facebook Statuses

Looking for some good ideas for your facebook status update that will get your friends attention? Try posting one of these one-liner funny and clever statuses! They’ll be sure to get likes on your status and your friends will all comment on it! These witty and amusing statuses are interesting to read and you can just copy and paste it straight to your facebook. Have you got any other funny status ideas? Post a comment and let us know!

I wanted to be a milkman, but I didn’t have the bottle!

I went to the butchers the other day and the butcher said, ‘I bet you £5 you can’t guess the weight of that meat on the top shelf’. ‘I’m not gambling!’ I said, ‘The steaks are too high!

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,’Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs! The doctor replied, ‘I know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off’.

Advent Calenders, Their days are numbered.

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It’s tiny, you couldn’t swing a cat in there.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

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3 Responses to “Funny One Liner Witty & Clever Ideas For Facebook Statuses”

  1. yvette santiago Says:

    ang love prang
    jeep once na dumaan

  2. Jessie Luvs Jose Says:

    Guy: Lets Talk About My Dick,..Nvm Its To Lonqq
    Girl: Lets Talk About My Pussy ..Nvm You Wont Get It!! :P

  3. haley Says:

    hi :)

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