Hilarious Free Facebook Status Update Ideas
has woken up in a garbage can covered with his own vomit. Wait, why am I telling you this?
is masturbating to your sister’s profile photo.
has just compared you with everyone else. You’re lame.
is copying your profile picture so I can put it in my wallet and pretend its my girlfriend.
wrote on your wall. Now you’re gonna need to repaint your wall.
joined the group “kill all small furry and cute animals”. Remove me as friend?
changed his profile picture. Now I look a little less ugly.
added the “Are you interested in a stalker” application.
commented on my photo “you are amazing”.
is staring at his facebook waiting for messages to arrive.
is thinking of joining a club and beating you over the head with it.
has had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
never forgets a face, but in your case he’ll be glad to make an exception.
remembers the first time he had sex – he kept the receipt.
got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
is too cool for school.
is the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
is definitely not watching oprah.
is selling my roomates shit on eBay.
is forcing my dog to learn how to google.
is teaching the cat how to be a ninja.
has just added a friend I don’t even know.
has noticed your mum has been calling me a lot, wondering whats that about?
has noticed that your looking a little fat lately, you should really do something about that.
has seen pictures of you naked on the internet.
was asleep until you just called me!
was just snorting salt… Don’t, it stings.
was just watching 2girls1cup and now is puking.
is searching youtube for the naked videos that somehow make it through.
is listening to the latest britney spears record… I mean… definately not listening to britney spears.
Sorry, I don’t talk to morons before noon.
The Blackberry is just a crappy wanna-be iPhone.
just realised that everything I’ve written on Facebook will be available to my kids some day.
What happened to the good old days… like when Britney Spears would shave her head!
Who farted?
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police
is a cross dresser. Deciding what to wear makes me angry.
is not happy with the new schell pecker.
is a secret agent…oh crap.
June 6th, 2010 at 1:53 pm
Demonstrate the spirit of free style…
My site is about the freestyle culture website, welcome to interested friends to visit!…
June 7th, 2010 at 1:06 pm
Demonstrate the spirit of free style…
My site is about the freestyle culture website, welcome to interested friends to visit!…
June 12th, 2010 at 11:29 am
Tips To Give Up Coffee…
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September 4th, 2010 at 3:40 am
Thanks for this post! It was extremely informative and helpful! I just learned everything I need to know today.
November 28th, 2010 at 3:46 am
Life goes on…
In three words I can explain all I have learned about life: It goes on….
October 5th, 2011 at 5:49 pm
The one for commenting on one’s own photo as “you are amazing” jus killed me #dead!