Warning: Some of these facebook status ideas contain adult themes and language which may offend.
We were so poor in our house when I was young, that on Christmas morning, if you didn’t wake up with a hard-on, you had f*ck all to play with!
I wanted my step-daughter to play with the rabbit I bought her for Christmas, but her mother said that sex toys were not an appropriate gift for an eight-year-old.
I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas, Not cause I like snow or anything, I’m just a racist.
Christmas is shit. Whoever invented it should be nailed to a cross.
I always get my loved ones petrol-soaked fake moustaches for Christmas. It’s such a joy to watch their faces light up!
I’ve just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for Christmas. Although what he wants with an ex box I’ll never know.
Only six shopping days ’til Christmas! Or if you’re a bloke – only five and a half days ’til you start your Christmas shopping.
The first present I opened this Christmas was a pen knife. I was so excited, I used it to cut open all my other presents. Shame about the puppy.
I got a sweater for Christmas. I was hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
Paul McCartney bought his wife a new artificial leg this Christmas. It wasn’t her main present, it was just a stocking filler.
My girlfriend told me she was hoping for a white Christmas… So I spunked in her eyes
Wonders if that is snow outside or if Amy Winehouse just sneezed..
Christmas is the only birthday party where everybody gets presents except the guy whose birthday it is.
is buying my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying “toys not included”.
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
Where is that fat bastard?
Nothing like a dysfunctional family trying to function for the Holidays.
Just a reminder in these tough economic times that instead of spending five dollars on my Christmas card, you could just give me five dollars.
I’ve been bad a few times this year, but it was worth it…you judgmental fat bastard!
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a new job the next day
Please remember a doggy is not just for Christmas….It’s a great position all year round!