Random Funny And Clever Free Facebook Status Updates

If you are looking for cool, witty, clever, unusual, funny and random stuff to put in your facebook status update – try using one of these statuses! There are loads to choose from and you will make your friends notice it and get comments on your status by posting one of these!

I don’t know what you’re talking about………..I didn’t steal your status.

Why did Jack and Jill fetch water up on a hill?

is writing to all of your facebook friends.

Who can really hear themselves thinking?

Do not disturb.

Great….my dog just sat on my status.

So you know what’s scary? I just added the squirrel I met today on Facebook.

They say to dream big but did they say for how long?

I don’t care what you say about me. It’s what you’re not saying that I care about.

A pessimist is very optimistic that they won’t be able to find their glass.

I’m a little bit drink.

Because I don’t like you.

Single and looking forever.

Married and looking forever.

Can you tell me which way to the yellow brick road?

No bikes allowed on my statuses.

That’s neither here nor there or on Facebook.

Doesn’t know where the relationshit button is

Can’t stop thinking about googly eyes.

So you’re a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend soooo I’ll add you.

You called me what?

Temporarily addicted to Facebook.

Closed for the day.

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Hilarious & Funny Free Status Updates Ideas For Facebook

Make your facebook friends, mates and pals lol with these very funny free facebook status update ideas. There are loads of hilarious statuses to choose from about drinking, news, work, funny quotes, funny questions and many more status ideas which will make your friends laugh and comment on your status! Just copy and paste the one you want into your face book status update box and post it. Then wait for your friends to read it, like it and comment it!

is spewing hot volcanic ashes

is being recalled by Toyota

is status-free

Beer, you and me. In the kitchen. Now.

thinks work is becoming a nice little break from Facebook.

is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.

thinks spell check is for the week.

thinks the voices in my head are out of wine.

is certain I had a great time last night. As soon as I’m done reading this police report, I’ll let you know.

This Facebook status update contains a give me subliminal money message.

took some time off from Facebook and got a LOT of work done. Won’t make that mistake again…

thinks Facebook keeps trying REALLY hard to connect me with people I’m desperately trying to avoid.

drinks coffee to fill the large void in my life where a nap should be.

is OCD and gathering her thoughts in alphabetical order…

Twinkle Twinkle little star point me to the nearest bar

is Statusless at the moment

is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while…

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly…

Facebook account for sale, Friends included.

I drink to make other people interesting.

I organised a threesome last night… There were a couple of no-shows but I still had a good time.

is growing marijuana on Farmville and selling it on Mafia Wars!

Viagra can take up to 30 minutes to work. Unfortunately I find that by then the woman has wriggled free!

Why are people still getting married? Stats say that 3 out of 4 marriage’s end in divorce! If 3 out of 4 parachutes failed to open, would you go sky diving?

Why do people with bad breath always want to tell you secrets?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S” in it?

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

just got kicked out of the library for placing all the bibles in the fiction section.

Hide and seek champion found dead in wardrobe.

I like Jesus, but he loves me, so it’s awkward!

A girl phoned me the other day and said, “Come on over; nobody’s home. I went over. Nobody was home.

asked God for a new car, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a car and asked for forgiveness.

used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything.

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Funny Sarcastic Facebook Status Update Ideas

If you want to make your facebook friends laugh and comment on your status, try using one of these funny sarcastic status updates. Just copy and paste one you want to use into your fb status update and post away!

utterly despises sarcastic Facebook Status Updates.

is going to write that down in my “Things I don’t give a crap about” notebook.

is hoping that the next big internet fad doesn’t involve getting to know our friends better.

How about never? Is never good for you?

is good at many things, none of which generate any income.

Dear people telling me what to do, don’t tell me what to do. Love, not your employee.

wants you to know that every time you make a “your mom” joke, I call my mom to check. Most of you are liars.

Filed under: Facebook Status Updates | 1 Comment »



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