Funny, Clever & Interesting Status Ideas To Put On Facebook

Are you stuck for status update ideas? Want to make your facebook friends laugh? Get their attention by posting one of these funny, witty and clever statuses. You’ll be sure to get loads of likes and comments on your facebook status when you post of these funny status updates!

I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Constipated people just don’t give a crap.

There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.


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Hilarious, Witty & Clever Christmas Statuses To Post On Facebook

Has just been kidnapped by a fat man in a red suit and put in a bag, ALRIGHT! FESS UP! Who put me on there Christmas list?

The awkwardness at the Christmas dinner table when your uncle tries to explain why he’s got an erection after giving your dad the Heimlich manoeuvre.

Christmas dinner is just like any other dinner. I sit down with a bird that doesn’t gobble anymore…

I was having sex with this large breasted bird the other day… Apparently I ruined the christmas dinner.

This ice cold weather is hilarious! I’m stood outside the mental hospital watching the staff trying to free fifty tongues from the windows!

the weather is lovely today… if you’re a fricken snowman!

is like a Candy Cane – sweet but very twisted

Oh the weather outside is frightful, But no school would be delightful, And since I don’t want to go, Let it snow let it snow let it snow.

NEWSFLASH!! Frosty the Snowman has been spotted in the vegetable section of the local supermarket. He was seen picking his nose!

Snowmen, the best kind of man! When you’re tired of them, you can just turn up the heat!

Remember Christmas is a time for giving, so give generously, I accept credit cards, checks and cash.

(_|_) I’m freezing my butt off!

Has just been kidnapped by a fat man in a red suit and put in a bag, ALRIGHT! FESS UP! Who put me on there Christmas list?

Due To the poor econmony Holiday Cheer will be distributed in Shot Glasses.

is wondering why his Stocking smells like feet.

thinks that if I keep this up, the Christmas miracle will be me getting my jeans buttoned.

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

you should be extra kind and compassionate to those around me during the Holidays, because you never know who will end up being your Secret Santa.

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Funny Christmas Jokes For Xmas Facebook Status Ideas

There are four stages in life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.

may not be the real Santa, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t seen you while you’re sleeping

can’t wait to watch her favourite Christmas movie, “The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t Due To Santa’s Urinary Tract Infection”

is eating his weight in figgy pudding

What happened when the snowman annoyed the snow-woman? She gave him the cold shoulder.

Why is Christmas just like another day at the office? You end up doing all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

Christmas is just plain weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree in your living room eating candy and snacks out of your socks

How do you know Santa has to be a man? No woman would wear the same outfit year after year.

What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet!

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him.

Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho.

What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? Its’ Christmas, Eve.

What did Tarzan sing at Christmas time? Jungle Bells

What’s red and white and red, red and white, and red and white? Santa Claus rolling down a hill!

Christmas is cancelled. I told Santa I’ve been good this year. He died laughing.

I’m not Santa. But you can still sit on my lap ;)

I’m the reason Santa even has a naughty list ;)

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