Super Cool Creative Statuses With Symbols For Facebook

(̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~ ~ Smoking Kills but thrills

–^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death

► PlayTheMoments ▌▌ PauseTheMemories ■ StopThePain ◄◄ RewindTheHappiness.

Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?

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Funny Statuses About Drinking & Being Drunk For Facebook

Here are some funny and witty status ideas about drinking and being drunk that you to post on your Facebook on new years eve or for any other party occasion! Everyone likes to have a few drinks in the festive Christmas season and on new years eve so when you update your facebook status, post one of these hilarious statuses. You’ll definitely get attention from your friends and get likes and comments! These statuses about drinking and being drunk make great status updates on new years eve, new years day, christmas eve, xmas day and any other party!

Tonights forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.

is not remotely sober. Nor am I sober up close.

No! for the last time stop asking if i am drunk… I am not drunk! Who would name their kid drunk?

is so drunk that if Dracula bit my neck right now, he’d get a Bloody Mary.

Many things can be preserved in alcohol. DIGNITY is not one of them.

You’d think as drunk as I got last night that I wouldn’t be in a bar again tonight. You’d think.

Sure, drinking kills brain cells, but only the weak ones.

is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.

just heard that there’s new device that can turn thoughts into speech. I have had that for years, it’s called alcohol.

is certain that it doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more vodka.

beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

thinks “Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks I’ve consumed.

is against recycling because it makes me look like a huge alcoholic to my garbage man.

wants you to know that I don’t really *want* to go drinking tonight, but I almost have perfect attendance at the bars this week and I can’t mess that up.

anyone who says that alcohol is a depressant isn’t drinking enough of it.

thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.

thinks my computer should have a little alcohol measuring tube to blow into before posting a status on facebook.

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Hilarious Jimmy Carr Jokes To Post As Your Facebook Status

Here are some funny facebook status ideas from comedian jimmy carr. These witty and hilarious adult jokes make great status updates. If you want to get likes and comments on  your status then try posting one of these funny statuses! You can copy and paste these funny, rude and sometimes offensive jokes striaght to your status update and then you’ll be sure to get attention. Just wait for the likes and the comments to come!

I saw a charity appeal in the newspaper the other day, and it read “Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water”. And I couldn’t help thinking, she should move.

I did a stand up gig once for the homeless. I said “It’s nice to see so many bums on seats”.

There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me “oh don’t worry, it happens to a lot of guys”. Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it’s happening to more than one of us, don’t you think it could be YOUR fault?

Boxers don’t have sex before a fight, do you know why that is? They don’t fancy each other.

I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but if you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for one year. I’m not sure about you people, but I think we’re being overcharged on groceries.

I say no to gay marriage. It’ll end up leading to gay divorce, and that’ll be bitchy.

I live near a remedial school. There is a sign that says, slow… children. That can’t be good for their self esteem. But look of course on the positive side, they can’t read it.

A big girl once came up to me and said “I think you’re fatist.” I said “No. I think you’re fattest.”

I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it.

My favourite road sign is ‘Falling Rocks’. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying “Random accidents ahead”, “Life’s a lottery, Be lucky.”

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called ‘Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking’. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian…

The reason old men use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It’s that old women are so very ugly.

My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying “Can I have a new bike?”. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said “Alright, fatty.”

I’d rather see a pregnant woman standing on the bus than a fat girl sitting down crying.

When someone close to you dies, move seats.

I hate those e-mails where they try to sell you penis enhancers. I got ten just the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend. It’s the two from my mum that really hurt.

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