Funny, Clever & Interesting Status Ideas To Put On Facebook

Are you stuck for status update ideas? Want to make your facebook friends laugh? Get their attention by posting one of these funny, witty and clever statuses. You’ll be sure to get loads of likes and comments on your facebook status when you post of these funny status updates!

I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Constipated people just don’t give a crap.

There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.


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Funny & Witty April Fools Day Status Updates For Facebook

Post one of these funny status updates on your facebook page on April Fools Day and make your friends laugh! On April Fools day there will be loads of silly status ideas on facebook, lots of your fb friends will be trying to fool each other with fake status updates. If you want to post a more witty, clever and funny status, try one of these. Maybe you’ll get an idea for a funny status update from these ones.

April Fools Day: the one day where every girl is pregnant.

wants to remind everyone to poke holes in your cat before you put it in the microwave.

is quitting drinking today… April Fools!

is on watch for any high jinks, horseplay and/or shenanigans today. Don’t even think about it.

is not taking any “serious” Facebook status updates seriously today.

Facebook + April Fools Day = should be interesting.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

has been caught violating parole again… may not be able to update Facebook status for a while

won $750,000 on a scratchcard last night, no more work for me!!!!

you can’t fool a fool!

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Funny Statuses About Drinking & Being Drunk For Facebook

Here are some funny and witty status ideas about drinking and being drunk that you to post on your Facebook on new years eve or for any other party occasion! Everyone likes to have a few drinks in the festive Christmas season and on new years eve so when you update your facebook status, post one of these hilarious statuses. You’ll definitely get attention from your friends and get likes and comments! These statuses about drinking and being drunk make great status updates on new years eve, new years day, christmas eve, xmas day and any other party!

Tonights forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.

is not remotely sober. Nor am I sober up close.

No! for the last time stop asking if i am drunk… I am not drunk! Who would name their kid drunk?

is so drunk that if Dracula bit my neck right now, he’d get a Bloody Mary.

Many things can be preserved in alcohol. DIGNITY is not one of them.

You’d think as drunk as I got last night that I wouldn’t be in a bar again tonight. You’d think.

Sure, drinking kills brain cells, but only the weak ones.

is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.

just heard that there’s new device that can turn thoughts into speech. I have had that for years, it’s called alcohol.

is certain that it doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more vodka.

beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

thinks “Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks I’ve consumed.

is against recycling because it makes me look like a huge alcoholic to my garbage man.

wants you to know that I don’t really *want* to go drinking tonight, but I almost have perfect attendance at the bars this week and I can’t mess that up.

anyone who says that alcohol is a depressant isn’t drinking enough of it.

thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.

thinks my computer should have a little alcohol measuring tube to blow into before posting a status on facebook.

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