Funny One Liner Witty & Clever Ideas For Facebook Statuses

Looking for some good ideas for your facebook status update that will get your friends attention? Try posting one of these one-liner funny and clever statuses! They’ll be sure to get likes on your status and your friends will all comment on it! These witty and amusing statuses are interesting to read and you can just copy and paste it straight to your facebook. Have you got any other funny status ideas? Post a comment and let us know!

I wanted to be a milkman, but I didn’t have the bottle!

I went to the butchers the other day and the butcher said, ‘I bet you £5 you can’t guess the weight of that meat on the top shelf’. ‘I’m not gambling!’ I said, ‘The steaks are too high!

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,’Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs! The doctor replied, ‘I know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off’.

Advent Calenders, Their days are numbered.

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It’s tiny, you couldn’t swing a cat in there.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

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Funny Your Mum Jokes For Great Facebook Status Update Ideas

If you’re looking for a funny facebook status idea that will get you likes and comments – try posting one of these funny one liner ‘your mom’ jokes. These statuses are witty and funny and will get the attention of all your facebook friends. Yeah, they are silly statuses but everyone loves a good ‘your mom’ joke! Copy and paste one of these free status update ideas onto your facebook now!

Your mums so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!

Your mums so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say “Taxi!”

Your mums so fat when she sits on my face I can’t hear the stereo.

Your mums so fat her legs are like gone off milk – white & chunky!

Your mums so fat she’s got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

Your mums so fat she sets off car alarms when she runs.

Your mums so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water.

Your mums so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.

Your mums so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

Your mums so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Your mums so fat she’s got her own area code!

Your mums so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

Your momma is so fat when God said let there be light, he had to ask her to move.

Your mom is so fat she has to use the ocean as a bath tub.

Your mom is so fat when she walked by a construction site they used her as a wrecking ball.

Yo mamma is so fat a Car Crashed Into Her And She Said, “Who Threw That Rock?!”

Yo mamma is so fat that when I shot her lard came out.

Your momma is so fat she got in a monster truck and made it a lowrider!

Your momma is so fat she tried to take a bath but the water jumped out!

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Funny & Clever Facebook Status Ideas That Will Definately Get Likes

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don’t know!

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! …Now read this without the word dog.

Remember when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap the f*cker!

Wants his friends to continue this story by adding a sentence to it: Last night I went for a walk…

figured out that alcohol is not the answer… it just makes you forget the question.

100,000 sperm and I was the fastest!

the only real difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.

FACEBOOK VIRUS ALERT: An email was recently sent out asking women to post the colour of their bra. THIS IS A VIRUS. To fix this, you must remove your bra, then go to Settings > Enable Webcam > Record Movie.

I raised the alarm at work today. The midgets were furious.

I can’t believe I got sacked from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

You look like I need another drink…

on BookFace, nobody knows I’m dyslexic.

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